Lean On Me
by Fruits Of Passion
Summary: With every bruise, every flinch, every fake smile, every closed off conversation Rin could tell something was wrong with Nitori. Something was hurting him yet the other boy never admitted, instead continued the charade that he was happy until he can no longer keep it inside and he reaches breaking point. Rintori
1. Chapter 1

_Warning now – M-rated for violence and abuse_

…

Rin watched the other boy in his bedroom, completely oblivious to the set of eyes on his back, observing his every movement, glaring as the younger boy stared down at his phone.

Nitori was texting his English tutor again, the regret sat heavy in Rin's stomach with every tinkle from the phone. When he'd been asked by the younger boy for help in English he'd flat out refused, not wanting to waste his time on a hopeless student.

So, instead, Nitori had gone to see Mikoshiba, who had suggested a friend of his and thus Nitori now had some third year teaching him.

It hadn't bothered Rin at first but soon Nitori was gushing about his latest senpai, he adored him. Granted it was not as much as he adored Rin but it was still enough to anger him. Nitori just seemed to worship anyone older than him, who had a skill that he craved. It was probably the reason he followed Rin around, complimenting him, supporting him, despite the fact he'd done nothing to earn such loyalty.

Kai-senpai.

It was a name that Rin was hearing far too frequently around his room.

Kai-senpai.

It had taken weeks for Rin to finally get Nitori to go from Matsuoka-senpai to Rin-senpai, and even now he still slipped up on occasion. And yet, Kai-senpai had been on a first name basis as soon as he met Nitori, obviously taking quite a shining to Nitori, but then Rin could hardly blame him. He was sunny, friendly, always had a smile on his face, it was almost impossible to dislike him.

It seemed, that all the things that Rin liked about Nitori, Kai thought exactly the same and wasn't shy about showing it, and that was what annoyed Rin the most.

_Kai-senpai says I'm really smart and I'm making great progress._

_Kai-senpai says when I smile it lights up a room._

_Kai-senpai says I look really cute when I'm concentrating._

_Kai-senpai says he can't help but smile when I laugh._

_Kai-senpai says he really enjoys my company._

And although Rin didn't begrudge the boy compliments, he deserved them more than anyone, he just hated the source at which they came from.

Nobody should make Nitori blush, fluster as he smiles except Rin. He knew it was pathetic and overly possessive considering their relationship had only just strayed from roommates to friends but he still felt like Nitori was his.

He was his little shadow whenever he turned around, his little smiling face early in the mornings, his tired little eyes at night, his little ray of sunshine if he'd had a particularly hard day.

But recently he seemed to be straying, spending more time with his tutor than was necessary for a simple educational relationship.

"Is it normal for a tutor to text you at half seven at night?" Rin asked, finally breaking the silence between them.

"Eh?" Nitori asked, finally pulling his gaze away from his phone. "How did you know it was Kai-senpai?"

"Just a wild guess." He shrugged, knowing full well Kai was the only one who text Nitori so frequently.

"Oh, okay." Nitori said, turning towards his phone again as the familiar jingle filled the room, causing Rin to sigh and turn his back towards him.

He forced his eyes shut as he listened to the tap of keys as Nitori typed out a reply, the familiar creak of his chair as he forced himself up, the pad of his feet as he walked towards the bed.

"Matsuoka-senpai?" He asked, Rin cringing slightly at the name.

"What?" He answered roughly, refusing to look at the other boy.

"Can I ask you something?" Rin could hear the embarrassment in his voice, the slight shuffling indicating he was toeing the floor with nerves.

"Sure." He said, slightly softer, turning over on his bed.

"How can you tell if someone is flirting with you?" Nitori's small voice questioned, eyes never leaving the floor.

"What?" Rin exclaimed, eyes widening slightly at the question. "Why do you need to know?"

"Kai-senpai text me to ask to go around to see a movie and I just think that he's…" Nitori trailed off, not ready to admit someone might be flirting with him. "But I'm not sure. What do you think?"

Rin suddenly felt himself being blinded by Nitori's phone, thrust into his face. With a groan he reached out and grabbed the phone, taking the opportunity to read over the sort of conversations Kai was having with his Nitori.

As he read Rin could see that Kai was quite blatantly flirting with the younger boy, Nitori completely unaware that he was harmlessly flirting back. What Nitori considered friendly this sleaze would clearly take as a green light.

"No, he's not flirting with you." He lied, hoping to nip this potentially blooming relationship in the bud.

"You're sure?" Nitori questioned, taking his phone back from Rin's outstretched arm.

"Positive. It's just friendly banter." He decided, although saying Nitori looked good in his skin tight swimsuit wasn't what he considered to be 'friendly banter'.

"So it would be okay if I went round his tonight?" He tentatively asked, wanting his senpai's opinion before he committed.

"Do whatever you want." Rin shrugged, acting as if the thought of spending a night alone didn't bother him in the slightest.

"It should be fine, you and me watch films alone all the time and it doesn't mean anything." Nitori mumbled, slightly watching Rin out the corner of his eye.

The older boy was completely unaware of the gaze, and that his response to Nitori's statement would determine whether he went out tonight or not.

"Exactly, it means nothing." Rin harshly bite out, once again turning his back towards the younger boy.

"Alright." Nitori sighed, turning his attention back to the phone. "I guess I'll go then."

"Great." He huffed, folding his arms across his chest as the familiar tap of Nitori's fingers against his phone echoed in his ears.

…

Rin listened for the past half an hour as Nitori flitted around their room, the overpowering smell of his shower gel floating in from the bathroom. He felt like he was watching the other boy get ready for a date as he primped and preened himself for movies.

He painstakingly watched as Nitori worried about what shirt to wear, made sure his hair fell in the perfect place, made sure his teeth were clean and breath minty fresh before he squeezed his eyes shut to block it out.

Without opening his eyes, Rin could judge just by the creaks of the floorboards exactly where Nitori was, he'd left the bathroom and headed for the door, the lack of noise indicating that he was hesitating.

"Have fun." Rin croaked, his voice hoarse from not being used for such an extended period of time.

"Thanks Matsuoka-senpai. I will." Nitori quietly replied before slipping out the room, pulling the door behind him with a click.

Rin lay in the silence for a while, his own breathing the only sound to be heard until he moved, he would not lie pathetically waiting until Nitori returned he would do something, take his mind off the smarmy boy entertaining him for the night.

He'd take a run, clear his head and hopefully tire him out so he could sleep without worrying constantly about Nitori. He pushed himself off the bed and went to grab his jacket, hanging off his desk from where he'd thrown it earlier.

As he flicked his jacket through the air, Rin managed to knock Nitori's precarious tower of books and watched as they all sloped to the floor. With a groan, he walked over the books planning to clear the mess but instead he kicked them across the floor in frustration, gaining immense satisfaction from watching as the pages scattered.

Before he could stop himself, he threw his arm across the wooden top sending more papers flying and the cow teddy Nitori was overly attached to. His pens and pencils noisily clattered to the ground and a mug smashed against the laminate flooring that he wasn't even aware was on the desk until this moment.

Rin clenched his fists at his side, watching as the cold tea spread across the floor from the now broken mug. Half of him itched to clean up the mess, organise the room to relieve his stress and the other needed to get out. And with his jacket clutched tightly in his hand that side won out.

Slinging it over his tank top he fled from the room, trying to get his mind off the disorder and Nitori a few doors down.

…

When Rin returned the room was still in the same chaos as when he left, and still missing one bubbly boy. He sighed and walked towards his bed, ignoring how his foot slightly stuck to the floor as the tea dried.

He threw himself down onto the bed as the springs creaked under his weight, he wished he could hear the same noise from above. Confirming Nitori was home and that he was safe. Instead he was met with more silence, some nights he prayed for this as he heard Nitori prattle on about his day or snuffle in his sleep but now that he got it he wished it would go away.

The sound of key in a lock caused his heart to leap into his throat and beat in double time.

"Eh?" Nitori cried out, taking in the destruction of their room. "What happened?"

He pulled the door shut after himself, carefully avoiding the broken ceramic on the floor.

"I'm tired of you leaving your shit everywhere." Rin bluffed, refusing to admit to himself why all Nitori's belongings were spread across their room.

"Oh, right. Sorry senpai." He apologised, walking over to the older boy's bed and perching on the end.

Rin watched him confused, wondering why instead of protesting or pouting that Rin had ruined his stuff Nitori just stared at his lap, mindlessly twiddling his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Rin asked, pushing himself into a seated position.

"Huh?" Nitori mumbled, looking up and into Rin's worried eyes. "Oh, yeah I'm fine."

He smiled at Rin but they'd be friends long enough to tell it was fake, his eyes looked different, their usual sparkle not there. They seemed dulled, Rin unsure if it was due to the film or something that had happened that night.

"Was the film good?" He questioned.

"Erm, yeah. It was about some cowboy and a giant spider or something like that." He answered vaguely, he'd hardly paid much attention to the film after all.

"What happened tonight?" Rin pried, hoping to find out what had upset him so much.

"Nothing, we watched a movie and…" Nitori trailed off, gaze dropping back to his hands.

"And what?"

"You know before I left you said Kai-senpai wasn't flirting with me?" He nervously brought up their old conversation.

"Yes?" Rin's stomach lurched slightly, not liking where this conversation was headed.

"Well it turns out you were wrong, he was... He kissed me… We kissed." He corrected quickly.

"He did what?" Rin almost shouted, forcing himself to remain calm on the outside despite the storm inside.

"Yeah, it was nice. I think." He said, hand shaking slightly as he brought them up to scratch his nose.

"What do you mean you think?" Rin questioned, his voice dangerously low.

"Well I didn't have much of a choice." He admitted, bringing his legs up and resting his chin on his knees, Rin growing angrier with each of his words. "The film had barely started and he was pushing me down on his bed, I had to kiss him really but that's just what Kai-senpai's like. He's passionate and goes after what he wants."

"Nitori, if you don't like him that way he shouldn't have forced himself on you." Rin told him, worrying that Kai was going to take advantage of the innocent boy.

"He didn't force himself on me, he checked that we weren't going too far and stopped when I asked."

Nitori continued to defend him but Rin barely heard, his mind already imagined the older boy pushing Nitori, seeing how far he could get without even considering the other's feelings.

"But if he likes me I should be flattered. He was probably nervous and didn't know how to express his feelings. Right?" Nitori turned towards Rin, his eyes wide with question, begging for reassurance from someone he trusted.

Rin floundered slightly, his mouth uselessly hanging open. Was it just a grand gesture of love and his jealous mind had clouded his thoughts making it into something far more sinister? Did this boy truly care for Nitori? Love him in the way he deserved rather than sporadically depending on a certain someone's mood or temper?

"It depends really." Rin finally managed. "Do you like him?"

"I'm not sure." He thought for a moment before carefully responding. "I might do."

"Well if you're not sure you shouldn't just kiss someone because you're flattered they like you. It doesn't work that way." Rin sighed, knowing Nitori that would do anything to please his senpai was partly the reason he'd held himself back for so long.

"I guess so." Nitori quietly replied, nervously pulling at his trouser leg. "I think I'm going to go to bed now."

"Okay." Rin smiled slightly, watching as the small boy untangled himself and stood tall.

Silently, Nitori pulled his jeans off, not bothering to change into his usual baggy night wear, instead dragging himself up the ladder in the shirt and boxers he was currently wearing.

"Night Rin-senpai." Nitori whispered once in his own bed.

"Night Ai." Rin whispered back, listening to the sounds of bed springs shifting and Nitori's gentle snuffling as they lulled him to sleep.

…

_I know you're probably thinking the whole Nitori dating someone pushy and abusive is overdone but I really wanted to give it shot so let me know your thoughts :)_

_Good? Bad?_

_Also I was debating about names between the name I gave it or Share Your Pain. What do you think? Or do you have your own suggestions? I'm not sure what to call it really so any help will be appreciated :)_


	2. Chapter 2

…

Rin burst through the cold water, inhaling deeply to catch his breath as he pulled his goggles off his eyes. He glanced towards Nitori to get his time and found himself freezing at the boys smile, practically radiating pride. His eyes sparkled, as they often did after he'd watched Rin swim, and soon all the voices around him became distant murmurs as all Rin could focus on was the other boy.

"Well done Matsuoka-senpai! You managed to shave two seconds off your time!" Nitori shouted, bouncing on his feet in excitement for the older boy.

"Great." He mumbled, shooting a grateful smile at Nitori.

He turned his body around, ready to start another lap when a loud voice called out to him.

"Senpai! No!" Nitori said, trying to look stern but still look hopelessly adorable. "You're going to over work yourself."

"One more lap won't kill me." Rin huffed, secretly enjoying the fuss Nitori was making over his wellbeing.

"You said that last time and I had to get Mikoshiba to help pull you out." Nitori said, Rin groaning slightly at the reminder.

"Alright, fine! I'm getting out." He groaned, pulling himself out the pool and accepting the towel Nitori held out for him.

"Good." Mikoshiba commented, having listened to their whole exchange. "You can hit the showers."

"See? Even Captain thinks you should rest." Nitori smugly smiled, Rin rolling his eyes at the young boys antics.

As Rin walked towards the exit of the pool he heard Mikoshiba's voice boom out again, wincing slightly at the volume.

"Nitori! You hit the showers too, you've worked hard enough today."

Rin found himself freezing at the statement, while he couldn't exactly disagree with what was said as Nitori was swimming faster than he'd ever seen before, he still didn't want to be alone with a naked, wet Nitori.

Since his relationship with Kai had taken off Rin found his feelings for the younger boy confusing. He wanted to hold Nitori and never let go yet at the same time he wanted to distance himself from him. He felt a possessive pull towards him, wanting to keep him close at all times and stop him from ever going near the older boy, but sadly he just had to take a step back. Watch as Nitori would float around on his own little cloud, forgetting who he was before his world became about his boyfriend.

Rin hated the word, Kai didn't deserve that position, he didn't appreciate Nitori enough, he took his perfection for granted barely registering how lucky he was.

"Come on senpai." Nitori giggled, pulling slightly on Rin's arm as he still stood frozen to his spot.

"Yeah, sure." He mumbled uncomfortably, trying to ignore the sparks from the younger boys touch.

…

Rin stared hard at the dial of the shower, refusing to acknowledge the boy showering not too far from him, his sweet voice singing off key as he rinsed.

He was finished with his wash, Rin had always been fast, opposed to Nitori who'd only just started to wash his hair, he'd been known to spend great lengths of time under the hot spray. But now he couldn't leave, the moment he turned he'd be faced with Nitori naked, his body dripping with water, muscles clenching as he washed the soap away.

He'd just have to get out quick, keep his eyes down and he'd be fine. He quickly glanced over his shoulder to check Nitori was distracted and almost regretted the action immediately.

Once he'd looked he found himself unable to pull his gaze away, instead letting his eyes trail over his body and take in every small detail. The slightly darker shade of his hair once it was wet, the muscles that were beginning to develop on his shoulders, the mole at the bottom of his back, the curve to his spine that made his pert bottom seem even more appealing, the supple legs that appeared long despite his height, the arch of his feet that wrinkled slightly as he rose on his toes to get closer to the spray.

Rin forced himself to look down, no longer staring at the poor, oblivious boy in the room with him, stopping his hands yearning to reach out and pull in the warmth of Nitori. With a groan he practically ran from the showers, ignoring the confused calls after him as he departed.

He let his body drop onto one of the benches in the changing room, gazing at the ceiling as he took deep breaths to control his mind.

The sound of wet feet padding across the floor filled his ears, Rin suppressed a groan at the sound, knowing exactly who would be causing the noise.

"Are you alright Matsuoka-senpai?" Nitori asked, concern lacing his voice.

"Yeah, just a little hot." He said, hoping to brush off his flushed cheeks.

"You sure?" He probed, adjusting the towel around his waist, Rin hating the small part of himself that wished it would fall.

"Honestly, think I just need a lie down." He shrugged, acting as if he wasn't bothered.

"I told you not to overwork yourself." Nitori scolded, walking over to the haphazard pile of clothes he had left in his hast to get in the pool.

Rin followed suit and soon began dressing himself, stood far too close to Nitori to relax. He tried to keep his gaze forward, he really did, but he soon found his eyes drifting to the right, slyly watching as the younger boy changed with no inhibitions.

"What you doing tonight Nitori?" Rin found himself asking, hoping for once he'd be there rather than with Kai.

"Nothing I don't think." Nitori replied, pulling his shirt on over his head. "Why?"

"I was just wondering." He casually shrugged, fighting to keep a smile down. "Since we'll both be in why don't we watch a movie?"

"Really?" He gushed, turning towards Rin with sparkling eyes.

"Sure, why not?" Rin smiled, feeling himself get caught up in the other boy's excitement.

…

They'd managed to get a third of the way through the film before Nitori's phone began to tinkle at the arrival of a text, Rin grumbling to himself in annoyance as he knew who would be the cause.

"Ah, sorry senpai." He apologised, glancing down at the phone and quickly replying.

But that wasn't the end of it, his phone continued to cry out as he was bombarded with texts, the dull tap of fingers as he replied grating on Rin's last nerve. He clenched his teeth tightly as Nitori's attention was once again taken from him.

"Matsuoka-senpai?" His nervous questioned, glancing up at him through his too long bangs.

"What?" Rin growled back, angrily slamming his hand down on his laptop to pause the film, Nitori jumping slightly at the sound.

"That was Kai-chan." He said, gesturing to his phone.

"Shocker." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, he wants me to come over. I tried to tell him I was busy but he said it was really important so I better go. I don't want you to think I'm ditching you, and you know I wouldn't unless it was absolutely necessary. If you'd rather I'd stay with you then I will as we did make the plans first." Nitori rambled, Rin wishing he could press his lips to the others just to get him to stop.

"It's fine." Rin cut in, finding another way to stop him.

"It is?" He asked, finally looking the other in the eye.

"If Kai needs to see you then he needs to see you." He shrugged, pushing himself off his bed, leaving Nitori sat alone.

"Okay then, I guess I'll leave." He said dejectedly, sliding off the bed towards the door.

Rin fell back on his bed, grabbing his laptop as he went down. He opened up a document and started working, hoping to distract himself from his annoyance. He continued to stare hard at his screen as he noticed Nitori out the corner of his eye, glancing over his shoulder at the door, almost looking with longing at the other boy, but it was short lived before he slipped out the room.

…

Nitori knocked on Kai's door, which was promptly thrown open as if he's been waiting on the other side for him. He quickly found himself being gathered up in two strong arms and warm lips pressed against his own. He felt the familiar forceful tongue push inside, taking over his mouth, choking him, until the moment he needed to breath and he would be released.

"What did you need?" Nitori asked, trying to step back but the grip around him never loosened.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you." Kai smiled down at the boy.

"You said it was important." He frowned slightly.

"It was." He said, squeezing him tightly, Nitori feeling as if he were suffocating in his embrace.

"But I left Matsuoka-senpai for this." He moaned, burying his head in his chest. "We were having a movie night."

"You were with Rin?" Kai asked, his voicing losing the playful tone from earlier.

"Yeah." He responded.

"Just the two of you?" He continued his questioning.

"Yeah." Nitori hesitantly replied, feeling Kai tense against him at the answer.

Kai's hand slowly made its way from his waist towards his neck, snaking into his hair, his fingers spreading deep into his silver locks. Suddenly his hand closed into a fist, grabbing a clump of hair as he did.

He roughly pulled on the hair until Nitori was forced to look up, tears forming in the corner of his eyes are the throbbing sensation.

"I don't want you to be alone with him." He warned, giving a quick pull on his hair.

"I have to. He's my roommate." He said, his voice shaky.

"Don't answer me back." He shouted, his hand releasing the hair.

Before Nitori could even register the relief on his scalp the back of Kai's hand slapped across his cheek, the force causing him to stumble across the room. He looked back at Kai, his eyes wide with confusion and betrayal.

He cowered slightly as Kai walked closer to him, eyes frantically searching for a way out but soon his whole vision was filled with Kai, towering over him.

"You are not to be alone with him unless it's to sleep." Kai told him, his breathing ragged and harsh with anger.

"But…" Nitori began to protest however he was soon cut off by a hand coming back into contact with his still stinging cheek.

He stumbled again, his feet getting caught up in a pair of discarded shoes causing his body to fall to the ground, adding to his pain.

Nitori pushed himself up onto his elbows, hissing as they shook as he raised his cheek off the hard wood floor. He felt Kai bend down next to him and he clenched his eyes shut, wishing he was still sat on Rin's bed, laughing at the antics of the main character in the film, subconsciously snuggling into Rin's pillow as he grew tired.

"When I tell you to do something, you don't answer back. Do you understand?" Kai calmly asked.

Nitori nodded slightly, eyes flying open as he felt his chin being grabbed and his face being brutally pulled to look up at Kai.

"Do you understand?" He shouted, leaning in close.

"Y-yes." Nitori stuttered.

"Good." Kai said, pushing Nitori's face away from him. "Now get out of here, you make me sick."

He stood tall again and walked over to his bed, grabbing a magazine off the duvet and mindlessly flicking though it, ignoring the trembling boy on his floor.

When he felt sure that he wouldn't hurt him again, Nitori scrambled to his feet and ran from the room, powering down the corridors, knocking people out his way until the cool night air surrounded him.

He kept running once he was outside, he overlooked the burn in his muscles, the erratic beat of his heart ringing in his ears, the breaths that he struggled to take. He just kept going until the sounds of the dorms could no longer be heard, until the overgrown trees blocked out the light, until the pounding of feet on concrete was replaced by the crunch of twigs and leaves.

For the second time that night Nitori fell to the ground, his wrists taking the brute of his weight as he took large gulps of air to calm himself down.

His eyes were wide as he stared at the ground, the sting of unshed tears burning at him but he was too shocked to let them fall. His mind was whirling as he tried to process what happened, work out what had made Kai act that way, understand why he had so little trust in him that he wasn't allowed to be alone with Rin.

Nitori felt the wet mud seeping through his clothes, making his skin cold, but he couldn't move, he didn't want to move. The thought of going back made him feel sick, what if Kai was waiting for him? What if he hurt Rin? What if he threatened him? Forced Rin to leave him forever?

He clenched his eyes shut at the thoughts. To protect Rin he would do what Kai wanted, anything to protect Rin.

…

After finally calming down Nitori had made his way back to his room, freezing when he reached his door. If Rin saw him like this he'd know something was wrong, the mud and grass stains would be impossible to hide and he could only imagine how red his cheek was.

Hesitantly he opened the door and stepped inside, sighing with relief when he saw Rin lying face down on his bed in front of his laptop, soft snores escaping his lips, hands still poised over the keys.

Nitori smiled at the sight, before slowly walking over to the sleeping boy. He reached his hand out, ready to stroke his soft, red tresses when his mind was filled with Kai's face. The pure anger in his eyes when he'd warned Nitori, the pain that had coursed through his body from his touch.

He pulled his hand back with a gasp, running towards the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He turned on the shower and as if a wall broke inside him the tears finally fell. He jumped under the spray, wanting to wash away the whole evening from his skin, from his clothes, from his memory.

He sobbed loudly as the shower drenched him, his head resting against the wall as his tears mixed in with water spilling all over his body. His breath came out in quick burst as he fought to gain control of his emotions again.

He brought his hand up to his mouth, hoping to muffle his cries but it didn't seem to work, they continued to echo off the walls of the bathroom. He let his knees drop out from underneath him until he was lying flat on the shower floor, knees held close to his chest as the tears continued to seep out his eyes.

…

Rin felt himself being shaken awake, his bleary vision filled with Nitori's face, except it lacked the usual happiness. Instead he was met with raw eyes, a red cheek and a slightly quivering lip.

"Are you okay?" Rin asked, rubbing away the sleep as he pushed himself into a seated position.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He lied, it was obvious but he clearly didn't want to talk about it and Rin respected that.

"What time is it?" He enquired, tactfully changing the subject.

"About half two." Nitori told him, glancing slightly at the clock in their room. "I know it's late senpai, but do you think we could watch the rest of the movie?"

"Erm, sure." Rin said, slightly confused at the request.

"Thank you." He smiled slightly, quickly climbing onto the bed next to him.

Rin quickly set up the film and placed his laptop on the chair before moving to lean against the wall. He felt the bed dip as Nitori shuffled closer to him until their bodies were pressed against each other.

He'd never allowed himself to be that close to Nitori on his bed but he couldn't enjoy the moment as he felt his body trembling slightly as he sat there. He longed to ask him what had happened, why his eyes sparkled with tears rather than joy but instead he let the boy watch the film, let it distract him from whatever pain he was feeling.

Nitori let his head drop until it was resting against Rin's shoulder, he pretended that this wasn't an unusual act for him to do and in turn Rin pretended he couldn't feel the stray tears falling from his eyes.

After a while the shaking and tears ceased, Rin glanced down to see Nitori's eyes firmly closed, the relief evident on his face as sleep had finally claimed him.

Reaching forward, Rin shut off the film and grabbed his blanket in the same movement. He draped it over Nitori and manoeuvred their bodies until they both rested on his pillow, facing each other.

Rin lay there for a while, watching the gentle rise and fall of Nitori's chest as he slept, feeling his soft breaths against his cheeks, stroking his smooth skin that was exposed around his stomach.

He debated with himself, wanting to stay in his own bed, wrap his arms around Nitori's small body and hold him close, stop anything upsetting him again. Refusing to let Kai take away his smile as he always managed to do. But instead he rolled away from the sleeping boy and out the bed, groaning slightly as he stretched his body.

It would always end the same way, no matter how he wished he could stay with Nitori the rational part of his mind always won out and he'd leave. Give up his own comforts for Nitori, never wanting to disturb the other boy, let him sleep peacefully as Rin worked around his needs.

He dragged himself up the ladder then let his body flop into the bed, his head burying deep in the pillow and taking a breath, relishing in the familiar scent that filled his senses.

Although he wished he could have the real thing this was the second best and all he would ever get.

…

_I hope you liked it. I've never really written an abusive relationship before so please forgive me if it's completely terrible! _


	3. Chapter 3

…

Rin dragged himself out of bed, remembering just in time that he was on the top bunk opposed to his own before he went hurtling towards the ground. He sleepily climbed down the ladder, glancing quickly towards the lump in his bed. He was shocked to find Nitori still in bed, staring holes into the wall opposite him.

Nitori wasn't usually one to lie in bed for extended periods of time, once he was awake he threw himself into the day with bright eyes and a stunning smile.

"You alright?" Rin asked, softly sitting down on the end of his bed.

"Fine." Nitori said automatically, the lie clear in his tone.

"You sure?" Rin reached out slightly to comfort the other boy but quickly retreated, they didn't have a particularly touchy feely relationship.

"Yes." He sighed, letting his eyes flicker closed.

"Well I'm here if you want to talk." Rin offered lamely, knowing he'd be the last person someone would want to open up to.

"I know." Nitori whispered, his eyes never opening.

"I'm going to get something to eat, want anything?" He questioned, cursing his own uselessness.

"No thank you." He muttered turning over so his back now faced Rin.

"Okay." Rin said, pushing himself into a standing position.

He grabbed his jacket off the chair and mindlessly patted his pockets to hear the familiar jingle of his keys and loose change. He slowly walked towards the door, trying to remember anything he might have done last night to upset Nitori, the way he acted it had to more than a mild lovers tiff to put him in such a foul mood. He was strong, arguments didn't affect him at all, get him riled up enough and Nitori could give as good as he got.

He turned back towards the other boy, ready to apologise for whatever he'd forgotten he'd done when he noticed the slight shaking off the small body in his bed, the breathing coming out heavy and irregular.

"Nitori, I…" Rin trailed off, unsure what to say in this situation. "I'll be right back." He settled for the coward's way out, quickly slipping out the room with a soft click of the door.

Once he was gone Nitori let out a loud sob, hands quickly flying up to his eyes to stop the tears from falling, but the action was pointless as they still flowed down his cheeks.

He felt useless, he felt pathetic, he felt pitiful. He couldn't even make one person happy, his own boyfriend hated the sight of him. All he'd wanted was to be loved, to be cared for, but instead he was loathed.

The soft tinkle of his phone broke the silence in the room, his body jolting slightly in fear as he heard the noise. There were only two people who text him and one of them had just walked out the room, leaving his phone on his desk.

Hesitantly Nitori made his way out his bed and towards the desk where his phone sat, his hands trembling as he reached for the device.

_Can I see you?_

The simple message read, no insight into Kai's mood. He could still be angry about last night or he could be the loving boy he was before.

While Nitori debated his response his phone lit up again, another message flashing up.

_We need to talk._

Nitori felt his eyes sting with more tears, the last time they'd talked it hadn't ended well. He jumped slightly when his phone went off again.

_Please._

He felt his heart beating at the message, Kai wanted to see him, needed to see him. Maybe last night could be forgotten, maybe they could put this mess behind them.

_Okay._

He quickly typed out a reply, receiving a response mere seconds later.

_Now?_

Although it was a question, a small part of Nitori felt like it was a demand but he found himself agreeing anyway.

_I'll be there in a bit._

He placed his phone back on the desk, ignoring whatever response Kai had offered while he quickly changed and got ready to go to his room. Once dressed he grabbed his phone and departed the room, leaving a confused Rin to come back to an empty room.

…

Nitori wasn't sure how long he stood outside Kai's door, it felt like hours but in reality it couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. Shaking, he lifted his hand towards the door and gave three sharp knocks.

The door flew open and Nitori's heart leapt at the sight of Kai, whether it was fear or excitement he couldn't decipher.

"You came." Kai said in relief, quickly wrapping the younger boy up in his arms.

"Yeah." Nitori wheezed into his chest, feeling all the air get knocked out of him.

"I'm so sorry about last night." Kai apologised, pulling Nitori inside his room and swiftly shutting the door after them. "It wasn't me, I'm not usually like that."

"I know." He said, taking a step back from the other boy and releasing himself from the confines of Kai's arm, not missing the disappointed look that flashed across his eyes.

"I got you something." Kai gestured towards his desk.

Nitori turned and saw a large bouquet of flowers, all bright colours like he loved, and a box of chocolates, his favourites. He walked towards the gifts and mindlessly picked up the 'Sorry' card propped in front.

Kai knew what he'd done was wrong and he knew Nitori well enough to shop for him it seemed but was it good enough? Should he just brush what happened last night under the rug because of one extravagant gesture?

"Last night was probably one of the worst things I've ever done." Kai said, taking a step closer to Nitori, the smaller boy stiffening when he felt his breath on the back of his neck. "I've never regretted something so much in my life."

"I believe you but…" Nitori turned around and felt his sentence die on his lips.

Kai looked broken, desperate for Nitori to accept him, his eyes begged for forgiveness. Although he never said it he needed Nitori, just like him, Kai longed to be cared for, to be loved.

"I'm sorry." Kai whispered, his arms twitching slightly at his side as he yearned to reach out for the other boy but didn't want to push his luck.

"I forgive you." Nitori said, accepting Kai fully, he stood up onto his toes and lightly brushed his lips against the other boys.

Although Nitori had initiated the kiss, Kai soon took control, making their once chaste kiss hot and heavy. Nitori felt the familiar prying open of his lips as a tongue forced its way inside his mouth.

Nitori didn't fight it, he knew this was what Kai needed, he needed the reassurance that everything was alright, that Nitori still felt the same as he had done before the incident.

Kai pulled back and kept his arms around Nitori's, a small smile playing on his lips.

"So what did you get up to last night? After I kicked you out?" Kai asked, apologetically brushing Nitori's bangs out his eyes.

"Just went back to my room." Nitori told him, deciding to skip out his little run around the campus. "Watched a film with Matsuoka-senpai and fell asleep before it finished."

At the mention of Rin Kai's eyes darkened considerably, his hold changing from a loving embrace to a tight grip. Nitori regretted his words as he felt finger nails painfully digging into his hips through his clothes.

"Did you sleep with him? In his bed?" Kai asked, punctuating each individual word.

"I slept in his bed but…" Nitori wasn't able to finish defending himself before the cold sting of a hand against his cheek silenced him.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" He shouted, taking a step back from Nitori.

He looked up at the taller boy with tears filling his eyes, he was never usually bothered by his height but now he felt so small and intimidated.

"Nothing happened. He didn't even…" Kai cut him off again, with words instead of actions.

"Do you like him?"

"Of course I do, he's my roommate." Nitori nervously stuttered, hoping honesty was the best policy in this situation.

"No! Do you like him the same way you like me?" He yelled, spit flying from his mouth onto Nitori's face.

He hesitated slightly before answering but that was all it took for Kai to snap, grabbing hold of Nitori by his shoulders and pushing him backwards.

"I don't, he's just a friend." Nitori cried out in panic as his back came into contact with the wall.

"You're lying Nitori!" Kai screamed in his face, shaking the other boy's body, Nitori wincing as his head hit the wall.

"I'm not! I swear!" He cried, his whole body shaking in fear.

With a sigh Kai took a step away from him, running his fingers through his hair.

"I think you should leave." He said, eyes staring at the ground.

Nitori could tell he was hurting, maybe not physically like he was but emotionally, he knew he didn't want to be like this. He didn't want to be the kind of man who'd hit and beat his lover, he needed Nitori here, to reassure him things would be fine, that Nitori didn't blame him.

"But I only just got here." He protested, reaching an arm out for the other boy.

"Now!" He shouted, causing Nitori to jump back in shock.

Nitori stood frozen in his place, unsure as to whether he should leave Kai when he seemed so destructive.

"Please." Kai whispered so quietly Nitori wasn't sure if he'd actually heard him. "And don't forget your stuff."

With that, Kai walked away from him, lying on his bed with his back to the room.

"Okay." Nitori said in a small voice before gathering up the presents Kai had got for him. Without looking back he exited the room, cheek still burning and vision still blurred from unshed tears.

…

Rin heard a strange scratching at his door, dragging himself off the bed he went to go check on the source of the sound.

He pulled his door open only to be greeted by a bouquet of flowers.

"Eh?" He asked in confusion, his eyebrow shooting up in confusion.

"Matsuoka-senpai!" Nitori called out, leaning his head around the flowers. "Thank you, I was struggling a little bit."

Rin didn't respond instead he stared hard at Nitori's face, the younger boy letting his eyes drop to the floor self-consciously to hide his watery eyes.

"What happened?" He asked, stepping aside so his roommate could walk inside.

"It's nothing, probably just the pollen causing my eyes to react." Nitori said, trying to brush off his suspicions.

"No, I meant to your cheek." Rin explained, shutting the door, the glowing red was hard to miss.

"Oh." Nitori stiffened as he placed the flowers and chocolates on his desk. "That."

"Yeah, that." He reiterated, walking over to Nitori and leaning against the wooden desk. "What happened?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, busying himself by arranging the already perfect flowers.

"Nothing?" Rin asked, crossing his arms and looking down at the younger boy, a guaranteed way to get him talking.

"It was probably just something Kai did, not that he did something to me per say. We were just fooling around on the bed, like play fighting really, and he must have accidentally hit it. Or maybe I rolled into the wall or something. Anything could have happened really." He rambled, the lies pouring from his lips.

"Right." Rin nodded. "I thought you'd just lent on it or something."

"That would have made sense too." Nitori muttered, cursing himself for trying too hard to cover for his boyfriend.

But he knew he had to, Rin could deny it but he was very protective when it came to his friends and if he found out the truth he'd get involved. For everyone's happiness he'd have to keep his mouth shut, bury the truth deep inside himself.

"I think I'm going to have a nap." Nitori said after a silence, supporting his statement with a loud, fake yawn.

"Really? You slept half the morning." Rin chuckled.

"Yeah, but I didn't sleep well. Must have been the strange bed." He shrugged, heading towards the bunk beds

"True." He agreed, deciding not to admit that surrounded by Nitori's smell Rin had had the best night sleep of his life.

Nitori slowly dragged himself up the ladder, Rin noticing the very obvious sag in his shoulders, the way his body seemed to be weighed down with unsaid words. He flopped on his mattress and let out a shaky sigh, close to tears once again.

"Nitori." Rin called out lightly, wanting nothing more than to hold the other boy close, take away his pain and make everything alright again, but he couldn't find the words to support him.

"Yeah?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder at the other boy.

"Forget it, I'll let you sleep." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Alright." Nitori muttered, dropping his head onto the pillow and shifting his body until it was comfortable.

Rin groaned slightly at his pathetic attempts and connecting with his roommate before climbing onto his own bed with a book, inhaling deeply the smells of Nitori that still lingered in his sheets.

…

Nitori stared at his phone as it rung for the third time in ten minutes, Kai's name flashing on the screen. Kai cared about him, he knew that he did, he'd felt guilty for hurting him, he didn't mean to cause any pain. Nitori understood that but yet he could not bring himself to press the accept button.

"Nitori! Answer your fucking phone!" Rin growled underneath him, delivering a harsh kick to the mattress.

He jumped slightly at the movement, the phone falling from his grip. He quickly scrambled to reclaim his hold on the device before answering the call.

"Hello?" He said in a quiet voice, knowing it was pointless to try to hide his conversation from Rin, but did he really care enough to eavesdrop? He highly doubted it.

"You're ignoring me." Kai said, his voice cold.

"I… I was sleeping." Nitori stuttered, the nerves in his voice peaking Rin's interest.

"With him?" He practically hissed.

"No, on my own." He whispered, wishing he was completely alone for this conversation.

"Good." Kai said before heaving a great sigh. "I'm sorry Ai. I don't mean to hurt you."

"I know you don't." He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a few tears leaking out.

"It's just, put yourself in my shoes for a moment. How do you think I feel knowing you go back to him every night? That he gets to be with you when I can't? I get angry and can't control myself." Kai pleaded, begging for forgiveness.

Nitori couldn't really relate to his jealousy, Kai was lucky enough to have a room to himself, he would never fully understand the pain Kai felt every time he left. But he knew it must be bad, to turn Kai into the monster he'd been earlier.

"That with the stress of all the exams I have coming up this year is pushing me over the edge. I don't mean to take it out on you, you know that right?" He asked, bringing Nitori back into the conversation.

"I do." He felt himself nodding, wanting more than anything to believe his words.

"I really like you and I don't want to lose you but I can't help but feel like you're slipping away from me each day." Kai said, his vulnerability coming through the phone.

"You're not, I promise. I'm so sorry if I'm making you feel that way, I don't mean to. Honest. You're the only one I care about." Nitori reassured him.

"Really?" He asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

"Only you. I'm sorry if you ever thought otherwise. I'm sorry that I don't think about everything that's going on in your life enough, how it's affecting you. I'm sorry I do stupid things that make you angry when all I want to do is make you happy." Nitori apologised.

Kai needed him just as much as he needed him, they needed each other for support, for affection, for affirmation that they were worthwhile, that they deserved a shred of happiness in an otherwise cruel world.

"It's not your fault, you're perfect." Kai complimented him, his usual playful tone returning.

"Thanks." Nitori giggled. "But I'm still sorry."

"Stop apologising." He mock scolded.

"Okay, sorry." He said quickly, laughing slightly as another apology slipped from his lips.

"You're hopeless, what am I going to do with you?"

"Just love me despite my flaws I guess." He offered, Kai laughing out loud at him.

"I'll give it a try." Kai said causing Nitori to smile.

Their relationship would work, he was sure of that. Every couple had little arguments, small spats but at the end of the day they were stronger for it. They would strive together, if they could get past this and be happy again then they could do anything.

Rin listened as the happiness slowly returned to Nitori's voice but the conversation still didn't settle right with him. Nitori shouldn't have to apologise so much, a relationship was about give and take not about one person taking all the responsibility for the things that were wrong. It was a partnership, a joint job to make things perfect, to make things right.

But it was typical of Nitori, trying so hard to please everyone, putting himself on the line, selflessly forgetting his own needs in order to ensure happiness for another. But he deserved better, he deserved someone to take care of him, someone who would love him unconditionally, someone who would put his needs before their own.

Someone like Rin.

The thought sat heavy in his stomach as he lay on his bed, wincing at every infatuated giggle, every loved up sigh, every gushing word that assaulted his ears from the bed above.

…

_I hope you liked it :)_


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